Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
