did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
