i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
