So drunk its hurt
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
