that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
