can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
