a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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