My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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