you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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