i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My feet surprised me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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