Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
