So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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