haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
