I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
