peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I want a musical about memes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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