she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
