she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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