The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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