Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
