Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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