at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize