How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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