So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
