Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This baby is an asshole
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
