it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
