fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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