There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize