I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize