You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
