In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize