I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
