do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
