I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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