Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
