When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
