We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
