Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
