Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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