Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
