Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
