do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
