Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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