he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize