Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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