I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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