I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
