He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
