Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
