So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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