That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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