Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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