so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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