my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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