I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
