also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
