If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
