Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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