What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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