im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
