It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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