get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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