dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
