By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm jealous of your bromance
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
