member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
50% drunk capacity currently
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
