Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
