Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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