Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
