I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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