I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
COCAINE IS GR8
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
